Words have the power to encourage.

Throughout my life I’ve experienced seasons when I feel emotionally strong and can handle anything and other seasons when I cry or freak out if the wind blows my bangs out of place…

As a Christian and as a black woman, I spent a lot of years juggling “student Jamila”, “work Jamila”, “church Jamila”, “family Jamila”, “friend Jamila”, and “wife Jamila”. I know this makes it sound like I have multiple personality disorder. Praise the Lord, I do not. These are just some of the masks I’ve worn to fit into the different parts and places of my life.

With each disappointment I’ve tried to fix it in my own strength and I find myself now feeling drained and discouraged. With the words “I can’t do this” and I should just give up because “I don’t have the strength,” floating around in my head.

Don't give up. God is not done with you yet. He just might be in the process of answering your prayer.

I was a dancer from a very young age, starting with ballet, but I didn’t know what it really meant to dance like David before the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14) until I became a part of the Angels of Praise. Let’s face it, other than ballet, I don’t think my booty shaking dance moves of my teens and early 20s would have been seen as praise. Don’t get me wrong, I love to dance to secular music too, I’m not trying to pretend that I don’t have any Tupac or Janet in my playlist (I know….I’m dating myself), but there is an inexplicable feeling I get when I’m dancing solely for His Glory.

Somehow packing gift boxes for others helps me unpack my own emotions.  One of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur (and my own boss) is actually focusing on the numbers and the profitability of the business. My natural tendency is just to focus on serving people and caring for them first and worry about profitability later. 

Warning: This post contains my personal story and I talk very openly about suicide.

I have tried to take my own life. Don’t worry, this isn’t a cry for help. I’ve been very transparent about my ongoing battle with depression.  My prayer is that my story will encourage you to trust and believe that your life matters.

Do you ever dream of warping back to your teenage years? So many people I know have talked longingly about all those “wonderful” times. And inevitably they’ll ask me: “Wouldn’t you like to go back? Everything was just so easy then.” Don’t even have to think about the answer to that one: “Nope – would never want to. Unless I could bring back with me all the knowledge I have now.”

God woke me up again for the third day in a row at 5:00 A.M. to pray. I fought to get out of bed. The idea of sitting in silence and trying to pray felt draining; but, I’ve always done this, and it has never felt this way before. Why is it so different now?

What is shared in this post is something I wrote in a season of despair. I wrote it to remind myself that there is no valley too deep for God to bring me out of. I hope it will remind you of that too.

There is a certain stigma that comes with admitting you battle depression. When you’re a Christian, people make assumptions about what that means about your faith. What I’ve learned is that the more transparent I am about it, the more encouragement I actually receive. It’s a bit of a catch 22. If you hold it inside and try to battle on your own, you can save face. But if you open up, seek help and let people know when you’re struggling it will put a smile on your face, because you realize you’re not alone.