I’ve been disobedient.

I don’t like to admit it. Especially not publicly, but hopefully my story will encourage you not to follow in my footsteps. Have you ever had one of those moments where you know God told you to do something and in the moment you were all excited and planned to follow through, but then later after the excitement wore off and you started to think about everything that would be required to actually do whatever He told you to do, you were like….ummmmm, yeah, I’ll get to that at some point. (Forgive me for the super long run-on sentence, LOL)

Maybe you’ve experienced this in the past. Maybe you’re experiencing this now. Is there something you know you are supposed to do, but you’re avoiding it and making excuses?

I’ve been making excuses for over a year now.

I distinctly and vividly remember sitting in traffic on the 405 freeway here in Los Angeles and hearing (not audibly, but in my heart) God telling me to have a conference. Not a typical women’s conference, but a casual gathering of women where we could encourage each other in person. Much of what loved+blessed does is online and I felt God leading me to do something offline, in real life.

The feeling was so strong that I had to grab a piece of paper and pen…yes, while I was driving….and scribble down all the ideas that came flooding into my head. He gave me ideas for the event, names of women He wanted to come share, activities we could do and a lot more. I was super excited. When I got home I quickly organized all the ideas into a document on my computer and saved it. For the next couple of days I daydreamed about what the event would look like and how amazing it would be.

And then a bit of panic and fear set in. How would I pay for it? Would anyone come? I really don’t have time to plan an event, I can barely keep up with what’s on my todo list now. Where would we have it? What if people don’t get what I’m trying to do? It won’t be as good as other events I’ve been to….and on and on. The negative defeating thoughts kept rolling in.

So over time I switched from saying, “God wants me to host an event” to “God wants me to host an event at some point.”

Did you pick up on that little adjustment I made. That was my first step towards disobedience. Even though unintentional at the time, I told God “no” when He asked for my “yes.”

I started to convince myself that He didn’t mean now, He meant at some point in the future. I let myself off the hook and went along with my life.

I’m finally saying yes.

Now planning an event might not seem like a big deal to you. It might sound dramatic for me to talk about how convicted I feel from that small act of disobedience. But when I think about how many women’s lives have been impacted through loved+blessed online and I see how in-person interaction can change lives even more, I realize how my disobedience might have robbed someone of the encouragement they needed back when God originally told me to plan an event.

I do believe that God’s timing is perfect and that He will still get the glory and use this first Uplift Gathering that I am finally planning to touch the women He intended for it to touch over a year ago. But I repent of how my “no” might have gotten in the way of someone hearing from God sooner. If I had acted when He originally told me to, I might have been able to save someone from going through a difficult time.

My prayer now is that my late obedience will still be a blessing to the ladies who attend and that this blog post will encourage you to immediately just say “yes” when you feel Him tugging at your heart and and asking you to take action.

Have you struggled to say yes when you knew God was telling you to do something?

Comment below and let me know I’m not the only one!

Jamila smiling

Jamila is the founder of loved+blessed. On her personal mission to leave a legacy of encouragement, she blogs about her own life lessons with the hope that it will bring joy into others’ lives and help them find the courage to keep walking in faith knowing that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. Read her testimony of how God turned her misery into ministry.


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Jamila said:

Kathy, I understand that. It is hard to figure out sometimes. But I find that when I don’t have peace and I still feel anxious, then I know it’s me not obeying Him. It’s helpful, because then I can ask Him for guidance to bring me back on track.

Kathy said:

Yes, I am not always good at obeying the Lord. I wonder is it him or is it me. I then convince myself it is me and that is not possible.

Jamila said:

LOL, Toni, totally. That’s me too. I’m the kid that says “Huh?” Even though I know I heard him.

Toni said:

He’s been talking to me ALOT lately… I think he knows I’m finally listening. After, you know, not listening and being a brat about it — typical kid. ;)

Jamila said:

LOL Yep, totally get that. I’m really good at coming up with “what if” lists. One thing you might try is actually writing down 2 lists. A “what if everything goes wrong” and a “what if everything goes right”. I do this sometimes to get all my worries out on paper and to see in black and white all the great things that could come out of being obedient. Then rip up the “wrong” list and pin the “right” list up on your wall to encourage you as you take steps to be obedient. :) Happy new house hunting!

Uilani Kumuhone said:

Yes! I say no!! Lol no but really he’s being tugging on my heart to start buying our own home and getting out of our home now and iv been putting it off. It’s been almost a month he’s been tugging at my heart and I’m still making up excuses and coming up with the “what if” list putting fear in my heart and disobedience in my walk.

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