I bet you’ve read lots of articles about perfectionism, the comparison trap and how the impact of holding yourself to unrealistic standards can lead to self-defeating beliefs, discouragement, anxiety and depression.
This blog isn’t about that.
Are you content? I mean really content? The Bible makes it clear that our satisfaction is not contingent on any earthly source. But in Christian circles, our conversations surrounding the issue of contentment are insufficient. We preach that “God’s love is enough.” So what more could we ever want…
The other day my boss asked me how I liked my job. It was an interesting question because he knows that this is nowhere near where I expected to be at this point in my life.
In high school, my dream was to move out of my small, Indiana hometown to the big city. Any big city, it didn’t matter. New York, Chicago, I even would’ve been ok with Indianapolis. But then when the time came to go to college, I strangely enough decided to stay. I had just gotten plugged into a good church and was surrounded by a lot of caring people. I just wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Plus it was only going to be 4 more years, and then I’d be out of here….
So many mornings, I feel defeated by 8:00. No, make that 8:07. The time distinction matters greatly, because school starts at 8:00. If I had gotten my children to school by 8:00, instead of 8:07, perhaps I might not have felt like such a mom failure. But probably not, because already by 8:07, I have rushed through my morning, yelled obnoxiously in the direction of my children, realized one son didn’t brush his teeth and another didn’t finish his homework, and drove my disheveled crew to school in a minivan – the backseat of which looks like it provides a home for a family of wild animals who store half-eaten suckers in cupholders, sleep on beds of crumbled-up candy wrappers and dirty Kleenexes, and gnaw on caps of markers that have long since dried up.
The discouraging defeat is not just from being late and feeling like a hot mess, though. My sense of defeat stems from how I expected the morning to go.
I praise God that each month there are always ladies who reach out and let me know that their box of encouragement arrived ‘right on time.’ It reminds me that God is in control. I’m a planner. I have a long list of theme ideas for future boxes and I regularly look at the list to determine which theme will be next….but inevitably when you are designing something from scratch, there are obstacles that get in the way. A manufacturer can’t meet our timeline, a shipment is late or sometimes, I just don’t feel settled in my soul that each item in the box is just right. There have been many times when I think I have the next box all figured out and the Lord will literally give me a completely different idea during my prayer or Bible study time. I always try to be obedient and switch gears, putting aside my idea for His.
There have been a few boxes that I was really nervous about because it wasn’t the theme I had originally wanted to ship that month, but God. God had a different plan and those boxes touched and in some cases changed the lives of the women who received them. It’s in those moments that I sit back and marvel at how God orchestrates it all.