How to Live Unbothered

se·ren·i·ty

noun

the state of being calm, peaceful, and unbothered

Where do you find serenity?

When we think of finding serenity, we often think of a place. A place where we can escape to find peace and quiet.

My husband recently started a new business called Esqapes. It’s the world’s first virtual reality massage spa. You sit in a super fancy massage chair (think the Rolls-Royce version of those chairs at the nail salon), put on a VR headset and are transported to the location of your choice. You can escape to a private beach, a flowering garden, a cave filled with waterfalls or even a cabin in the snow.

I’m grateful to have a place like that where I can go anytime I want…since I know the owner 😂…for a little mid-day self care. It’s a place where I can escape from my busy life and be unbothered by the craziness of the world.

photo credit christopherlmalcolmphotography.com

photo credit christopherlmalcolmphotography.com

Do you have a place like that?

Your favorite vacation spot or maybe even your front porch?

But what if serenity could be more than a place you go to? What if you could live at peace, unbothered?

Living At Peace

un·both·ered

adjective

showing or feeling a lack of concern about or interest in something

“Unbothered” is a word that I’ve heard most often used as a retort when someone wants to let you know that you or the situation are not getting under their skin. I think of it as a way of saying either “whatever” or “not today Satan” to the people or situations in our lives that try to steal our joy.

The world is so crazy right now. We’re living in a time full of stress and unrest. On top of the normal challenges of life, it seems like our world, our nation and our local communities are full of negativity.

This has made many people feel hopeless; BUT GOD is still in control. He knew you and I would be living through this time. He has prepared us “for such a time as this.” Esther 4:14 It might feel overwhelming on some days, but it is possible to still choose joy, remain calm and be at peace even when it seems like everyone around you has lost their minds.

How To Live Unbothered

My close friends have often remarked how I don’t get offended easily, how it takes a lot to make me angry and how I’m generally pretty calm even in stressful situations. When everyone else is freaking out, I’m usually the one trying to understand both sides before reacting.

Do I have anxieties?

Yes!

Do I worry?

Yes!

But for me those are mostly internal battles. It can be a struggle, but I normally do a pretty good job of not letting external things steal my peace. So I thought I’d share a few of the life lessons I live by with you.

  1. Stay in the Word

    Spiritual self care is essential. Daily, hourly - if you need it, remind yourself of the truth. Prayer and quiet meditation should be a part of your daily to do list. Carry scripture cards in your pockets for quick encouragement throughout your day. Read the book of Proverbs often. It provides lots of wisdom for everyday life. When stressful situations come up, you’ll start to recall what it says and realize that God’s already given you some advice on how to handle it.

  2. Take screen breaks

    Guard your heart and mind by limiting your time on social media, watching the news, reading opinion articles, watching tv, etc. That’s one of the big reasons why we moved all the loved+blessed member resources into the course library. That way you can still enjoy the weekly videos without having to go on social media to watch them. Many of us need our laptops, phones and tablets to do our jobs, but try taking a complete screen break at least one Saturday or Sunday each month. Read a book, spend time talking in person to a friend, take a walk and just sit at the park. I promise you’ll feel better, because you’ll be less concerned with what’s going on in everyone else’s life and with what everyone else is thinking or saying. Taking screen breaks leaves space for you to clear your head.

  3. Let your 1st reaction always be grace

    In James 1:19-20, the Bible tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. In Colossians 3:12-13 it tells us to bear with each others and show kindness, gentleness and patience. When you live unbothered, you give people the benefit of the doubt before getting upset or offended. I recently had a conversation with a friend who was surprised that I was still able to be friends with someone else who I disagreed with so much on some political issues. My reply was that I refused to let anything get in the way of treating her with love and respect….she has been my friend for years and she is still a child of God. We can disagree and still care about each other. Sometimes she says things I don’t agree with, but she listens to my opinions and I listen to hers. I believe it is still possible to “agree to disagree” and not take everything as a personal attack. We disagree but we respect and love each other. If one of us says something that offends the other, we don’t assume the worst first, instead we ask questions and try to hear each other out. We give each other grace when we unintentionally say something hurtful to each other. I try to live my life this way, always reacting with grace first to strangers as well.

  4. Don’t overthink it, laugh instead

    These days, everyone seems to be so serious and focused on presenting themselves in the right way that they forget to just be themselves. We spend hours trying to look like we casually threw something on. We take 100 selfies and use a zillion filters before we find 1 picture of ourselves we think is acceptable to post.

Yep, this totally not acceptable pic is from  my Instagram feed . That’s me with a breadstick, while my friends are striking a cute pose. 😆

Yep, this totally not acceptable pic is from my Instagram feed. That’s me with a breadstick, while my friends are striking a cute pose. 😆

In person and online we’ve started taking ourselves too seriously. I’ve never been a big selfie girl, but I was the type of person who based my value on the handbag I carried and the clothes I wore.

Becoming unbothered in this area has been a journey for me. I used to take myself way to seriously too. I’ve shared a bit about this in a few past posts…

Confidence

Getting Over Myself

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

But over the years, my husband has taught me that it’s okay to laugh at myself. It’s okay to be proud of who I am and be myself and be unbothered by what other people think. I can be unbothered by how others react. I only need to ask myself how is God reacting to what I’m doing, what I’m saying, how I’m behaving.

Do I still care what other people think….yes….but WAY LESS than I used to. I don’t get stuck in the comparison trap that used to make me try to change who I am to fit in or be accepted. I’m generally unbothered and just laugh at myself when I realize how different and nerdy I can be.

Living unbothered doesn’t mean you live in the happily ever after part of a fairy tale. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care. It means you refuse to let the world’s stress and anxiety rule your feelings and behavior. It means you know there are more important things than worrying about which filter to use on a selfie.

Living unbothered means you find your peace in Christ. You know what He sacrificed for you. You know He’s gone ahead to prepare a place for you and He’s left you tools like His Word and the help of the Holy Spirit to allow you to choose His joy while you’re here on earth.

When we live unbothered, the result is not only our peace. We set an example for others. When they see us at peace even in the midst of chaos, they start to desire that peace too. So let’s make living unbothered contagious.

Do you desire to live unbothered?


about the author

Jamila is a speaker, writer and the founder of loved+blessed. On her personal mission to leave a legacy of encouragement, she blogs about her own life lessons with the hope that it will bring joy into others lives and help them find the courage to keep walking in faith knowing that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. Read her testimony of how God turned her misery into ministry.


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